i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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