i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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