Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
