Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
