btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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