i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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