i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
