Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
