how can u be prego again
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
