Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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