I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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