saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
