He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
