I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
