So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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