mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it was like eating out sand paper
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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