Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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