This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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