Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
