More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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