She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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