oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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