Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
