this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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