i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
