i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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