It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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