your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
