is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
