I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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