Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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