im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
