Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
a search helicopter?!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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