I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
