Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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