Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
