Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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