I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
