I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
