Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize