I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dick very happy bro
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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