So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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