I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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