I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
