you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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