she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
