just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
