my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
