Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
