update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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