I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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