ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
tell me about the eggs
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
