I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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