Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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