thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
