Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
