If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
