it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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