you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
