I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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