smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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