she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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