If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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