I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
