If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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