i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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