yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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