He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
